Some people have written to me telling me that these days they are feeling a lot of anxiety.
That's why I'd like to tell you something about your anxiety that might help you understand it better and find ways to provide relief..
“Anxiety is, actually, a very clever maneuver that our nervous system uses to protect itself from deep feelings that could be too shocking or strange for us to feel. It is the body's natural response to prevent us from feeling something that scares us or overwhelms us.. Anxiety is an 'inhibitory emotion'’ that blocks what we call 'fundamental emotions'.”
-Hilary Jacobs Hendel.
What does this mean? It means that if you are feeling anxious it is a sign that some other fundamental emotion is emerging and trying to come to the surface..
The emotions we call 'fundamental'’ include feeling afraid, ira, sadness, asco, happiness, illusion, or sexual arousal – It is these emotions that provoke responses that allow us to adapt and make decisions that help us meet our needs and be in contact with them.. They are survival emotions that are accompanied by a lot of physical sensations that help us notice what is good or bad for us at that specific moment..
Anxiety is actually a protective part that appears as a dam that contains and keeps us away from those fundamental emotions. (in IFS we call them exiled parties) good because they surpass us, or because we have received the message from our environment and from the people with whom we grew up as children and from whom we learned everything related to how to deal with emotions., that it's not right or it's not safe or they're not going to accept me if I feel this anger, or I express this sadness or this fear.
If my mother leaves every time I get restless, she leaves my side., I will learn to not show my nervousness so as not to alienate my mother and feel alone.
If my anger causes my father to get angry with me and hurt me, I will learn to hide my anger to protect myself.
So when we get worried or angry we start to feel anxious because although we cannot stop feeling these things, My system is very restless because it doesn't feel safe to feel what we are feeling.. This helped us and continues to play this role with the function of keeping us connected to others and not being overwhelmed by an emotion that we could never learn to feel openly..
Anxiety is a mask, coverage that covers something that speaks more deeply to how an experience is affecting us. However, Being able to feel and name that fundamental emotion underneath is just what can help us relieve that anxiety..
The next time you feel anxious, ask yourself: What am I really feeling?? Fear? Anger, ira? Sadness? Happiness? sexual arousal? Asco?
Try to see if you can notice what's there with you.
There is a good chance that one of these emotions is trying to communicate with you and tell you something important to you about that moment you are experiencing.